morning light
i hate when my memory doesn't keep up with me.. especially because last night i was wondering if i'd ever forget the nonsense she and i go through for no reason!
from what i remember, the day looked something like this:
we woke up, she took the dog out, got dressed, drove to work in general awesomeness, skipped getting cafe together because of an unusual rush for her and me to get to work on time...
we exchanged deep emails at work and i picked her up en route to home. we grabbed and shared a delicious sandwich from s'Nice... truly, one for the books as a fabulous sandwich forever.
later she made dinner for mum and me and outdid herself - it was perfection.
she locked herself in the room and worked at her bar prep for a couple hours, i spent that time huddled in front of the tv with a relatively annoying toe pain that didn't want to get better.
as we're wrapping the day, she discovered the puppy's pink/brown/red fur on his left paw and decides he's sick/bleeding/fat. she also confesses that she's been feeding the puppy not agreed upon food amount with not agreed upon fish oil. then lapses into self pity about how she's killing the pup. for someone who claims medical superiority because her parents are docs, she does some pretty illogical things with herself.
i then decide (wrongly) to inform her of her other illogical and "perhaps fatal" actions - tissues she leaves around the house that result in the puppy attacking it and ingesting it and then spending the whole day and night wheezing. giving the pup extra dry and wet food so he gains shit loads of weight and then taking out her frustration at him whenever she feels like it. to which obviously she resented and i resented her for resenting me!
after we were done attacking each other about the pup, i started to un-make the bed to sleep. i dropped a bottle from the dresser (my attempt at aiming the pillow on the chair, i will never be a basketball player) i asked her to pick it up please (nicely).. she made a huffing noise.. i picked up the bottle myself... she got mad cos i assumed she was huffing when in fact she wasn't! aaargh...
i wasn't upset about picking up a bottle that i dropped in the first place! then we were mad at each other all over again.
so, the questions to think about in the morning light are:
1. when does this back and forth stop?
2. is it possible to change the way you communicate?
3. when things getting petty, can one person change the relationship for the better?
4. if yes, how?!
8:07 AM | | 0 Comments
the calm
apart from some minor obstacles, we have reached a silent agreement. it is hopeless for me to pretend that i am "easy to get along with" since that is not true. my mother agrees that i should just stop pretending. i demand and insist and do all the whingy whiny tactics that can get over the top dramatic.
12:20 PM | | 0 Comments
new day
wednesday morning: she woke up before me - smiled - and i felt good.
she made me breakfast of things i love, things that taste good.
she walked the dog - before i was showered.
the day is new and the day began good!
wednesday afternoon: she sends me sweet texts and messages me online.
she still needs to over explain her point, but she is making an effort.
i appreciate so much that she is in fact keeping her word to try to be different. am i wrong in wanting to "change" her. i am determined to give my best too.
she asks me to pick her up from work - "please"
i am annoyed, i told her i would in the morning right after breakfast.
lost in translation - she tells me she was simply "confirming"
i am overanalyzing BUT
until i told her i had already offered to pick her up ... the word "confirm" just wasn't in the conversation. small things. too small a thing to make a point out of it.
but conversation must be properly communicated otherwise what does it all mean?! i know, it means that i am an insufferable person to get along with.
10:03 AM | | 0 Comments
frivilousness
tuesday morning: she wanted to take the subway and she suggested i do too. it was from a good place but we have discussed this many times before. it makes me feel like she doesn't want to have that morning ride with me.
tuesday noontime: i surprise her by sending her a box of chocolates delivered to her work. she "teases" me and doesn't tell me she has them. but then confirms she loves them.
tuesday afternoon: she calls around 5pm (i have just come out of a meeting) she is in acute pain but instead of communicating what really is going on, she yells and acts out and is exceedingly rude. she explains that she's not mad - but how can she not be, when she is yelling. she does not tell me she is in pain and wants to go to the ER. she does mention that she has some pain later.
tuesday afternoon within an hour: i tell her i am leaving and will pick her up from her building. she tells me she will walk to me. i tell her i'd rather pick her up since she is in pain. she walks towards me instead.
tuesday early evening: we are in the car, she tells me she loves her chocolates. her face doesn't match. she is in pain. i know so i allow it. we stop to pick up mediterranean food to go. i ask if she wants any. she tells me she doesn't. later at night, she complains that i didn't get any for her. i am a shit girlfriend.
tuesday evening: i ask her if she's taken any painkillers. she tells me she hasn't. i ask her if i can give her some. she tells me she'll take them herself. i ask her twice more. she repeats she will take them herself. i stop. when we talk, she tells me i should have given them to her anyway.
i am upset.she gets the bottle and is struggling to open it and then comments about how unhelpful i am.
we fight. i cry. she cries. she tells me she doesn't like that i don't love her like i used to. i ask her if there is something wrong in what i'm doing / saying.
she tells me i have changed.
we fight some more.
we decide tomorrow is a new day.
11:59 PM | | 0 Comments
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